


Brothers of a Different Kind Instead

by duperstar



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Depression, Football | Soccer, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Liverpool F.C., M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 05:36:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3316124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duperstar/pseuds/duperstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin doesn't want to be gay and he doesn't want to be in love with his best friend Daniel Agger, but he is and to make things even more complicated for him, he's dating Daniel's younger sister as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brothers of a Different Kind Instead

**Author's Note:**

> Title Credit Greg Holden - The Lost Boy 
> 
> I'm missing Skagger a lot right now so decided to start writing this. I'm not completely sure where I'm going with it but I miss writing so hopefully I can keep this going for a while.

Martin stared up at his bedroom ceiling, anger engulfing him as he realised how fucked up all of this was. There was nothing wrong with Sofia. In fact, whenever Daniel wasn't around, all of his friends talk about how jealous they are of him to have such a hot piece as a girlfriend. She's more than that though, she's a nice girl. He's known her most of his life, pretty much as long as he's known Daniel and she's always been great to him. Him, her and Daniel have hung out together their whole childhoods. The camping trips, football games, everything really. It's always been the three of them. She's also always had a crush on him. That's probably why it was so easy for Martin to pretend that it could work. If she liked him, maybe that would be enough to make him like her that way. Maybe she could make him change his feelings, but after tonight Martin knew that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make himself love her like that, even _want_  her like that.

 

It was embarrassing.

 

He had the house to himself and invited Sofia over, knowing full well what they'd end up doing. In the past they'd messed around before but never actually had sex. Martin was dreading doing it but also hoping that having sex with a girl would stop his thoughts drifting onto other things. He didn't want that life for himself. Instead it made things about a thousand times worse, because of course the world wasn't going to allow Martin to have things go his way.

 

His friends knew they hadn't slept together, despite being in a relationship for nearly four years. Daniel was happy about it because he didn't really like the idea of his best friend having sex with his younger sister, but the rest of them were giving him a lot of shit over it. Plus, the jokes about his sexuality as a result of him not sleeping with Sofia were cutting a bit too close to home for him to handle. So he went for it.

 

She came over and they went straight up to his room. It didn't feel right. He felt awkward around her in ways that he wasn't used to. Slowly and tentatively they worked their way into it. He hated how nervous he was. He wanted to make it good, so they'd both enjoy it and so when Sofia told her friends about it he wouldn't be mocked anymore. When he worked his way inside of her he couldn't focus on what was actually happening as he just wanted to get it over with as quick as he could.

 

As he looked down at her, he imagined there being freckles on her cheeks. He knew she had them as he'd seen her without her makeup on before, but it wasn't her freckles he was picturing, they were Daniel's.

 

“Martin,” she gasped as he slowly pushed inside of her.

 

He closed his eyes and imagined Daniel's flat chest pressed against him, his toned abs, his large hands grabbing Martin's shoulders instead of Sofia's long finger nails gripping into him. He thought of the smell of Dan's aftershave, so much different to the perfume that Sofia wore. It sent a shiver down his spine and he suddenly felt close.

 

“I love you,” Sofia whispered with a shaky breath.

 

Tears stung Martin's eyes but he blinked them away and smiled down at Sofia.

 

“You too,” he whispered, wishing he meant it, wishing he was thinking of her as he got off on this.

 

“Fuuuck,” she groaned, her nails digging in harder.

 

He closed his eyes and thought of himself being inside Daniel instead. _Fuck_. And then he came.

 

His breath was shaky and he knew that Sofia hadn't finished yet but he couldn't move anymore. His skin was flushed as he thought of how disgusting he was. His first time having sex wasn't about him loving his girlfriend, it was about him living out his fantasies of fucking his best friend; her brother.

 

He felt sick.

 

“Sorry,” he grunted, pulling out of her and running into the bathroom to spill his guts out.

 

He wanted to know what was wrong with him, why he couldn't be normal. Why can't he love Sofia? As he leaned over the toilet seat and threw up over and over he allowed the tears to fall down his cheeks. He hated himself so much. This was his last resort for changing how he feels and it didn't work.

 

After a few minutes of sitting in the bathroom he realised that Sofia was standing in the doorway. She was dressed again but to him it was still clear what they'd just been doing. Her hair wasn't as neat as normal, her lipstick smudged and the way she was standing seemed different. Everything about her just seemed different.

 

“Sorry,” he repeated, staring down at the floor and pulling his knees up to his chest. “Fuck.”

 

“Are you okay?” she asked tentatively whilst still standing in the doorway.

 

No.

 

“Yeah. Erm, you? Are you okay?” he looked up at her, desperation written across his face. He couldn't ruin this, not now.

 

“I think so,” she whispered and then walked in and sat down next to him. “You know it was my first time too, right?” Martin nodded slowly. “So it wasn't bad really. We've got loads of time to get better.” She smiled softly at him and squeezed his knee. “I mean, at least you didn't throw up _on_  me, right?” She smirked and Martin let out a rough laugh and slowly started to relax again.

 

He wishes he could love her so much, but he doesn't.

 

“Sorry,” he whispered once more, begging himself not to let her see him cry over this. “Maybe, maybe you should go.”

 

He looked her in the eyes and saw the shock on her face.

 

“Aren't your parents out all night?”

 

“If I’m ill I don’t want you catching anything,” he replied quickly, feeling so guilty. She wanted to spend time with him, spend the night with him. She doesn't care that he's just been sick, she just wants to be with him. The guilt is too much.

 

“Okay. I'll go then...”

 

She looked disappointed and pissed off as she got up and left him alone in the bathroom. And that's how he ended up spending the rest of the night lying alone in bed and staring up at the ceiling, thinking of all the mistakes he'd made and having no clue at all how to fix any of it. Everyone will take the piss out of him if Sofia tells them about him throwing up while having sex or if she says how bad he was at it or how little time he lasted.

 

What if she tells Dan they had sex? Shit. Martin wasn't too sure how Dan would take it but he doubted he'd congratulate him over it.

 

His phone chose that moment to buzz and when he looked over he saw 'Dagger' flashing up with a message. His heart started racing. Daniel messaging him at 2am wasn't completely unheard of. But Daniel messaging him after he'd sent his sister home, most likely feeling a bit upset, at 2am, probably was something he should be worried about.

 

Martin hesitated before picking the phone up to check the message.

 

- _u up still?-_

 

Even though Martin knew that Dan would be able to tell that he'd seen the message, he took a while to debate whether or not to reply. He didn't want to deal with Dan being pissed off at him. Most of the days that Martin considers the worst of his life are ones involving Dan being mad at him.

 

- _im here-_

 

He bit his lip while he waited for whatever type of reaction Dan was going to give him. He was so nervous. The minutes went on and left Martin's stomach in butterflies until eventually his phone started ringing and he panicked even more at the thought of actually having to talk to his friend right now.

 

After a deep breath, he picked up.

 

“Dan? You alright?” Martin knew his voice was shaky but he was nervous, what do you expect?

 

“Yeah, yeah. What about you? Sofia said you weren't feeling great.”

 

Martin felt like his chest fluttered at the realisation that Daniel was worried about him.

 

“I think I'm good. Can't really sleep,” he admitted. “Did, erm, Sofia say anything else?”

 

He heard Dan laugh at the other end of the phone and it automatically made Martin feel calmer.

 

“She said you're a fucking idiot but that's hardly anything new.”

 

“Fuck off!” Martin laughed back at him with a teasing tone. The relief that Dan didn't know was a huge weight off his shoulders. He should give Sofia a lot more credit. “You should hear what she says about you.”

 

“To be honest, most of the things she tells me about you are things I'd rather not know about... You two are gross. You sure you're okay? I'll come over if you want.”

 

Martin grinned at the thought of seeing Dan.

 

“As if your mum and dad will let you out now. I’m fine.” He did feel a lot better after talking to Dan, though, but if he allowed himself to think about how earlier that night he fucked his sister thinking of him, that calm feeling would quickly fade.

 

“They wouldn't mind. Maybe.” Dan sighed. “I'm bored, Marty. Let me come over.”

 

Martin laughed, knowing that Dan didn't really want to come round to play nurse on him, it was really about his own boredom.

 

“Your mum would kill me if she knew I was stopping you sleeping again...”

 

“I can't sleep anyway, Mart,” Daniel whispered, sounding a bit low.

 

Martin knew that Dan gets low at times. He's not sure if any of their other friends know about it, but it's part of the reason Martin always leaves his phone on at night. He wants to make sure he's there if Dan needs someone to talk to and he's glad that Dan feels he can trust him, even though he'd probably hate him if he knew the truth about all this.

 

“What's up?” Martin asked, trying to not sound too intrusive in case Dan didn't actually want to talk about it. The other end was silent for a while, making Martin worry even more. “Do you want me to come to yours?”

 

“No,” Dan said sharply. “Nah, everyone's asleep here. Nothing's wrong, really. You can sleep if you're tired-”

 

“I didn't say I was tired,” Martin interjected. “Wanna play FIFA or something?”

 

Martin looked down on himself and remembered he was still naked. Thankfully just talking to Dan wasn't enough to get him aroused again, especially when he was worried that Dan wasn't as okay as he was saying.

 

“Can I come over? We could play at yours.”

 

“Go on then,” Martin gave in. He knew his parents weren't home to object. “I'm meeting you half way though. I don't trust you on your own at night.”

 

“Says the guy that got drunk and fell into a ditch last summer. Who was it that saved you again?” Martin smirked, noticing how Dan sounded brighter now he was having his way.

 

“You're not gonna let me forget that, are you?”

 

“Fuck no.” Dan laughed and then paused. It was quiet for so long that Martin thought he'd hung up. “Thanks, Mart. I just, I dunno.”

 

An endearing smile crept onto Martin's face.

 

“It's fine. As long as you don't forget that I'm you're favourite and the best person ever then you can come over in the early hours of the morning whenever you like.”

 

“You're a dick,” Dan joked. “I'm leaving now by the way.”

 

“Let me put my clothes on. See ya in a sec.”

 

They both hung up and Martin got dressed again, suddenly feeling a lot better about the way this night was going. As much as he loved seeing Dan at school, things were a lot different when they were with all of their friends. He didn't feel as comfortable acting close with Dan in front of them in case they got the wrong idea. For one, he couldn't stand the idea of people thinking he was gay or giving him abuse over it, but there was also the fact that he'd hate it if people started thinking Dan was gay just because Martin was to close with him at times. He didn't want to be the blame for that.

 

Martin was in his own head as he walked out to meet with Daniel. It was pitch black outside but the streets were fairly quiet as not many people go out on a Sunday night. It was freezing cold though. As pale as Martin was, he'd take warm temperatures over cold ones any day, but being in England made the chances of that rather low. It was either cold, cloudy, rainy or a mixture of all three the majority of the time.

 

The walk between his and Dan's is only fifteen minutes, but Martin decided to jog so he could get to Dan quicker so he wasn't outside on his own for as long. Martin worries a lot about his friends, mainly Dan but not just him. Even though he knows Dan can take care of himself, he'd rather be there to have his back if something were to happen. The chances of it were limited, as he doesn’t even remember the last crime that happened in the local area, but Martin was a worrier.

 

He saw Dan walking at the other side of one of the streets and felt a huge smile cross his face. He ran over to him and notice Dan tense and then relax once he realised the person approaching him was just Martin.

 

“Thought we were meeting half way,” Dan accused.

 

“Well maybe I really wanted to see you.”

 

Dan raised an eyebrow at him but didn't ask anything else, so from there they walked back to Martin's in silence.

 

Dan was wrapped up warm with a thick coat on, a scarf, gloves and a hat, whilst Martin was stupid enough to be out in a thin jumper and his normal clothes. Instead of complaining about the cold, he sneaked glances at Dan and smiled at how cute he looked with his thick layers on. Dan wouldn't want anyone thinking of him as cute, but right now that is exactly how he looks to Martin.

 

“Aren't you cold?” Dan asked after a while of walking in a comfortable silence.

 

“At least I don't look like you right now,” Martin teased softly. “Your coat is actually adorable.” Martin laughed and then Dan playfully hit him.

 

“I was gonna give you my scarf but you can fuck off now,” Dan said with fake offence in his tone, but he then offered Martin the scarf anyway.

 

“See, you do care.” Martin smiled as he wrapped the scarf around himself. A blush hit his cheeks when he realised he could smell Daniel on it and started thinking about what he was doing earlier that night. He was glad it was dark outside. “Did you wanna talk or just play FIFA?”

 

Dan elbowed him in the side which led to Martin letting out a fake yelp of pain. Once Martin had finished putting on the dramatics, he noticed that Dan remained leaning in against his side as they walked. It felt good.

 

“Is that a no to the talking?” Martin asked him. He felt Dan shrug his shoulders against him.

 

“I'm fine,” he said carefully. “Just wanted to hang out, I guess.”

 

“You'll regret that when I destroy you on FIFA.”

 

“Ha! In your dreams,” Dan chirped back, but he was smiling and that was all that really mattered to Martin; keeping his best friend smiling.

 


End file.
